I will release my depression after writing this out.. i hope so..

I broke up with him,
I felt good, i felt worst, i have the both of tat 2 worlds.
A single life or being with him, I hate to be in.
I looked for my 3rd choice, to have another man.
But everyting is short and quick but its the happiest i ever had in 3yrs.

Or i should say the 1st i felt loved by someone, treated well and good for all my life....

But gd things dun last for me, i know it earlier den anyone else does,
But im stubborn to ignore my own advice and go for wad i wanna feel.

Im so such a person tat is 80% ruled by my heart den brain.
Following my heart and feelings i wanted so badly brought me to doom again...
He is too young to love me, im too old to make him feel secure...
I caused all the trouble myself, for loving someone i shouldnt....

Someone scolded me for making a mistake for falling in love and make sure i learn my lesson...
I was furious.
I urge with him
Coz falling in love is not a task or a lesson.
I fall in love without a reason like how loving a person can be without any reason...

I ask myself wad do i wan now, the only answer i have is i wanna be happy..
I don't know how to. Therefore i work and play, work and play, i dun even have time for myself.
Im under so much stress...

Into the darkness of Depression, stressed, unwanted, not loved....
I took a stepping stone,
I should have cried and take time to recover.
But I cant even cry, and i have leap frm stage 1 to stage 5 in an instant.
Stage 5: i pretend and live like nothing had happen and make myself normal...

I really cant cry out... im shedding so much hair...
Im gonna be bald soon...
who can help me? no one....
Only me can help myself, but i don't know how.
stress and drop all my hair,
no gonna eat and die.
tats wad i may be heading to...

{ Monday, August 27, 2007. }

{ 9:09 PM }

Love To Me Now...

So Numb about everything...
Im feelin really upset & miserable but i can't even cry out...
Wad or which stage of sadness is this?

Is this all fated?
No one had really go into appreciating for who im....

I treat all of them with my level best i could with a swear i did but im still so unwanted.
For me being very much understanding, faithful with alot of TLC wun matter to them...

They wouldn't care coz they dun love me anymore... ya i understand...
Tats why...
I blame no one... Is my Fate...

I Play & Work Hard just to cover up all my feelins, I ask myself is this good for me?

Life is like this, when they love you, they make so many promises tat they swear they will not break, but when they dun love you anymore, they jus pushed away all the promises becoz they dun love you anymore, so why do they need to keep the promises. It is so hurtful why men are all like this...

Kept digging my head into a single song and lettin my love away...Is there more i could do with a solo mind in a lonely soul like this...

I Just wanna feel appreciated, loved and wanted.
And Most Importantly, I Wanna Be happy....

Je Suis Blesse, Qui Pouvoir Au Secours Moi...

{ Sunday, August 26, 2007. }

{ 2:55 AM }

Just Start Working

Working for a Pay tat is 1.7k
Stress like hell, nv stopped a moment for resting.
Getting the Pay soon also.
Have to Spend wisely with my financial management plan.
Saving for the KL Trip!!

Looking forward for my FOREVER21 & MORE SHOPPING!

{ Saturday, August 25, 2007. }

{ 2:52 AM }